Can Mommy See Me?

BREAKING PROTOCOL

-Our Journey of Sunflowers and Rainbows-

By Angie Jennings

April 12, 2024

July 15, 2021. It was on this evening I brought Abigail Laine to live a significant portion of her little life in our home with us after dropping our Rachel Jennings Lam off at a local hospital while Fabio Lam was at another hospital. They were both being treated for symptoms that came with the dreaded Covid-19 Delta Variant. Nine days after his admission, Fabio was discharged very weak and on supplemental oxygen. Though they had both been given “the cocktail,” Rachel was moved from her private room after four days to be intubated and ventilated against her will. Thirty-one days later, our firstborn was in the presence of the Lord. Though my blood can absolutely BOIL if I allow myself to think very much about this, I try my best to choose to concentrate on the positives: Rachel was ready to meet Jesus. I will see her again one day. Abigail, though Covid positive, was almost asymptomatic. Jeffrey Jennings and I were able to receive IV infusions, injections, and treatment that broke protocol in our homes by a wonderful Christian holistic healthcare provider. After spending seven months with us, Fabio was strong enough physically and emotionally to purchase his own home and eventually found himself ready to love again and marry Juliette Fonseca Lam, a Spirit filled woman I am convinced God placed in our lives five years ago.

Nevertheless, having a toddler/preschooler/little girl in the home meant more germs and treating them to keep Abbie well. During the (almost) three years she has spent primarily here, Abigail’s little body has come through Covid, Influenza Type A, three bouts of stomach virus, and many colds. Each time I am thankful for my experience of mothering four of my own biological children which has given me experience to help Abbie and each time my heart still breaks for her.

This past week a seemingly treatable via OTC meds cold took an unexpected turn. During Wednesday night’s Church service, Abbie was wrapped up in “new Mommy” Juliet’s long yellow worship scarf as she came to sit beside me. Instantly I knew something was “off” as she pressed her little warm body beside me and fell asleep as her PawPaw preached. That was a long night filled with getting up and down, coughing, staying hydrated, and other symtoms that helped clear her little body of this virus.

The next day, obviously home from school, was spent revolving around Abigail: staying hydrated, bits of eating, some playing, and a lot of laying in bed watching her videos. In fact, knowing that her GiGi had a super soft heart for her, Abbie got up the courage to ask if I would take down one of my special dolls down from the China cabinet for her to hold. Then of course she wanted to know if she could take the doll’s dress off and re-dress her in something else. The doll she chose was one of four and thankfully was not breakable. Abigail is officially “white Hispanic American” meaning that her skin is light, her eyes blue, her hair light blonde, but she has a Cuban biological father and an American biological mother. The demographics where we are reflect many many nationalities and skintones. The doll she chose to play with had a dark skintone and two little baby teeth peeking out from a big smile. (Interesting sidenote: one of the first baby dolls Rachel picked our herself was at a yardsale and had dark skin as well~evidently the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree!) I assured Abbie that between her doll clothes and “baby clothes” there would be something that she could find to dress this latest treasure.

By suppertime, Abbie had a pretty good appetite and she sat beside me on a barstool and we ate together while watching iBible videos. She leaned over to open my sunflower locker. Inside is a picture of her Mommy that she will occasionally look at. I never ever tell her no on that. But then she stopped me in my tracks with the question “GiGi, does Mommy know that I am sick?” I think that my eyes bulged out of my head as I was silently sucker-punched with that familiar unwelcome visitor called “grief.” I answered “I think she is glad…” only to be interrupted as I carefully chose my words by Abbie’s horror “You mean she’s GLAD I’m sick?!” I assured her “No Honey, I hadn’t finished. I was saying I think she is GLAD that you have people who really love you to take care of you while you are sick.” Thinking this inquisitive little thing was satisfied, I found she was definitely not. “Can my Mommy SEE me?” How do you answer that? I didn’t dwell on theological semantics but rather answered “Yes I do think she sees you because Jesus sees you and Mommy is with Jesus.” Fortunately, that satisfied her.

Abbie then returned to play with her babydolls. I took a deep breath then decided to check my phone. These smart phones are really something. Guess what popped up? A video montage with the very first picture showing Rachel holding a two-year old Abigail Laine. So I asked Abbie if she wanted to see it. She did but guess what was the first thing she noticed? “GiGi, I’m wearing the same dress as the doll!” That’s right. Out of every doll she chose, the one that fit perfectly into a little spaghetti strap dress that was the EXACT one she herself was wearing in the photo! You just can’t make this stuff up. IS GOD PHENOMENAL OR WHAT?! He satisfied Abigail’s need and mine too. “For we do not have a High Priest who cannot be touched with the feelings of our infirmities…” (Hebrews 4:15) “…For your Father knoweth what things ye have need of before ye ask Him. (Matthew 6:8)